A Fine and Delicate Balance

The past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. It all started right after I had gotten back from my vacation. I was already feeling overwhelmed before my vacation as our patient census has been growing for months. My caseload was growing steadily and before I left on vacation it hovered around 43 patients, which, in my mind, is not only overwhelming to me but also unfair to the individual patient who gets 1/43 of my attention.  When I got back I learned the other social worker’s mom had passed on and I had to take care of all social work needs for 86 patients and their families while she went out of town. I remember calling mom one night and breaking down into tears, saying what a mistake I had made taking this job and that I was so stressed and overwhelmed all the time. It was the first time I had really voiced this and getting this weight off my shoulders would prove to be life changing.

That week, I created pro and con lists for staying at/leaving the job. My lists for leaving grew steadily longer than staying. I realized that I have the power to create my own reality. Since I took this job, my life has revolved a lot around the job and not so much around actually enjoying life. I have no children to have to send to college, or unmanageable debts at this time…and I realized there was no reason to stay in a stressful job. So, last Tuesday I gave my notice during my supervising session with my mentor/other office social worker.

Maybe it was because I brought light on the “elephant in the room” (the fact that our census was growing but our social work team was not), or because they actually like me as an employee and didn’t want to lose me, that all hell broke loose. The new director cornered me in my office for 45 minutes asking me to give her a chance to make changes to make things better. My Grand Junction supervisor called to invite me to dinner that night. I went and voiced my concerns. She offered me incentives to stay, none of which actually would cure what seemed to be irrecoverable burnout. The next day, the new director said in a staff meeting that they are looking to hire a part-time and full-time social worker because “Melanie is trying to figure out what to do with her life.” Irritated as I was that she made me sound like an 18 year old, it opened the conversation to all the staff about how important self-care is in a job like this and that everyone needs to take measures to not allow burnout to get the best of them. It was an important conversation as well because the director acknowledged the growing census has put a huge strain on the staff resources of the office and that this was going to change. I was so happy to be a part of change in our office to make the work more equitable.

My Grand Junction supervisor offered me the part-time social work position. I realized this was exactly what I was hoping for; after all, I love the actual work I do with patients and families. I accepted it quickly, knowing this would be the answer to my self-care needs in this line of work. Not only will I be able to be a part of the hospice movement, which I treasure, I can really enjoy my life and do things that are meaningful to me without letting work become the priority.

My supervisor offered that I take this week off to “heal my spirit” and I obliged. I spent a nice long weekend in Denver for Easter, seeing friends I haven’t seen since Thanksgiving and being with the family. Tuesday I did some around the house things; yesterday I drove to Telluride; today I have a massage scheduled; and tomorrow I plan to go to the Orvis Hot Springs. Each morning I have taken Chester for a long walk to try to get a little healthier and plan to continue morning walks through the summer while it is lighter earlier. Although I am full-time until the end of May, I know there is an end in sight toward a better work/life balance. This week off is giving me a taste of just how pampering this new schedule will be to my body, soul, and spirit.

Speaking of Telluride, I went yesterday because I had never been and some friends plan to visit this summer and want to go there. I figured now that I have some time I should check it out…and I am glad I did! The drive to Telluride is stunning, and it is only April! I look forward to seeing the landscape when everything is in bloom, especially the Aspen trees. It is a super cute town, and has that artsy-hippie-yuppie feel to it. While a little crowded for my taste, even on the off-season, I think it will be a fun destination with my visitors. I was pleased to see that in Telluride Chester finally found his calling and decided to pursue his passion for food!

Speaking of Chester and Stanley, I thought I would post two updated photos of the handsome boys. Ahem...senior citizens, I mean, as they both turned 12 recently!